Behind The Laughter

Last class weekend of the semester? Check.

Paper and homeworks finished? Check.

Not paying attention in class? Check.

Thrilled that I’m sitting in class on my birthday? Check.

Yep, turned 29 today. One year until the big 3-0.

Usually, when my birthday hits I take a few minutes to consider my mortality. I mean, this is one more year I’ve been lucky enough to avoid…

• getting struck by lightning
• getting hit by a falling anvil
• drowning in the bath tub
• floating into space by virtue of holding too many helium balloons and thereby suffocating due to a lack of oxygen

Well, no more. No more worrying about death; no more being concerned with departing the land of the living. Time to take a stand.

I have decided to embrace, not fight, the advance of technology in the modern world, and begin the process of personal cyborgization. Yeah dude, its a word, Wikipedia says so (citation needed).

This is by no means an inexpensive venture; in fact, this would put us in significant debt. So how do I reach immortality without entering bankruptcy? One word: ads.

By partnering with the largest ad network on the planet, Google AdSense (copyright 2008, Google, Inc.) I will be able to subsidize the cost of my cybernetic enhancements and, using the parlance of our times, actualize a paradigm shift in the business of immortality.

This process has not yet begun, but rest assured I shall see it through to completion. You’ll know that it worked when I outlive everyone else on this god-forsaken planet.

The following is an artist’s rendition of my projected cyborgified appearance*:

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* - note, I did this myself, therefore it is more of an amateur’s rendition.